Why do I keep writing?

Sometimes I wonder why I keep writing. I mean, I've been at it for six years, what have I gotten out of it? I self-publish online, and most things I've written a few hundred reads, but compared to others that have gotten tens of thousands, that's nothing. I've gotten a fair amount of reviews, but they've never streamed in, and they're rare. And it's not like I've had anything put in print, or made so much as a penny.

I think I've probably spent over a thousand hours writing. How many other things- outside of school- have I spent this much time on? Yeah, I play guitar, and I do art/crafts, and I like to bake, and I work, but I don't think I've spent THAT many hours- at least not that consistently- on anything else. These are hours that I could've spent studying, watching TV, working out, shopping, or hanging out with my friends. Would my grades have been better, for example, had I not spent all this time writing? Maybe, but considering I got in to 8 out of the 11 colleges I applied to, and I had near-perfect grades in my first year of college, how much better could they have been?

My writing hasn't gotten me any scholarships or school-wide recognition. I haven't won any "real" awards, although I've won a few "online" awards (I have "won" "awards" for how prolific I am, and I had a few poems make it onto "most read" lists).

But maybe that's enough. To put it in perspective, two of the main sites I've used to publish don't have very good Search systems (it's hard to find what you really want); one of those sites has had very little traffic in the genres I write for the past few years; and I really haven't done much in the way of self-promotion. Considering all that, a "few hundred" reads is actually pretty darn amazing, if I do say so myself, considering I don't know ANY of these people. And while the reviews don't number in the thousands, the ones I have gotten ("this is my favorite story"; "reading the story [a 53,000 word story, short novel/novella] was worth the time"; "i love coming on and finding new chapters"; and many similar to that) are pretty amazing. I've also been contacted by a handful of people saying they liked what I write- one of them that I've now been "friends" with for four years (who knows who she is!). Some of them are from places near me- nearby suburbs in NJ- and some are a bit farther- New York, Maryland, Texas, California, Washington; Canada, Mexico, the UK, France, Australia, Japan, Malaysia.

That's more than most people can say. And sure, I haven't made any money, but frankly, I haven't tried, and it's not about the money for me anyway (not that I would deny money if it came my way!). Writing is a hobby for me, not my career (not yet?).

But in the end, though, I don't think the reason I keep writing is any of that. It's not about number of reads, number of reviews, number of fans, or money. I started writing because I wanted to write, and I keep writing because I love to write.  Sometimes I get ideas and feel compelled to write them (if you're a writer, artist, or musician, you might understand), like with a recent short story. Writing is also a way for me to express myself, and sure, it might not make me rich and famous, but a grand total (among every chapter of every story I've written) of tens of thousands of reads (maybe close to a hundred thousand by now- I haven't calculated in awhile)- that would be a total of at least a year that other people (that I don't know) spent reading my writing (if you put it all together, end to end)- isn't bad, especially since some of them are on the other side of the world.

Honestly though, everything else- reviews, messages, reads, feedback, comments, and all else- aside, the reason I keep writing is really because it is something I love to do.

Although- (a few years ago) I had a reader in Malaysia (that's 10,000 miles away) that contacted me. Whenever I think about that, it makes me smile- how incredibly cool is that? I know I haven't changed the world, or anything like that, but the fact that I- starting out as a 12 year old in the suburbs, now an 18 year old living (most of the year) in a small city- could actually create something that people that far away could find, and appreciate enough to tell me they liked it, is pretty amazing.